she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You took a bar mat shot.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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