we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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