What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
