Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
