so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
