I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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