I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
