I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i came on her dog
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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