Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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