I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
