He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
