so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
