HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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