Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
