There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
