i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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