Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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