Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.

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(607): View more from New York

since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.

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(207): View more from Maine

I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.

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(406): View more from Montana

Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.

(1-406): View more from Montana

Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.

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(530): View more from California

My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!

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