I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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