I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm passing your future prison.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
