Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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