If that was your dad, he is hot
grandma shit on top of the toilet
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
