I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Randomize
