the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My orgasm happened in two different decades
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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