My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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