Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize