No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
did i just pee glitter
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
