took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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