You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
