we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
