Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
