you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
