Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
