I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
