I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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