she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
