i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
