Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize