Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
