So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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