Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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