Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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