I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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