Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
