Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
