Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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