How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
