people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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