I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
