Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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