Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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