i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
