I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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