My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
and she was petting her beer can
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
