so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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