Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
