9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
