Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
my poor anus
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
