I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
