he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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