It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
