i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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