Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
