I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
