Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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