standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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