The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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