it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
