New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
